Counseling Materials: Threshold’s Roadmap for Recovery
The mess and maze of healing from a sexual addiction can be overwhelming. First, there’s getting sober. Then, navigating the emotional turmoil of your partner’s experience while trying not to spiral into shame and shutdown. On top of this, there’s the flurry of opinions and unsolicited advice, often amidst setting new boundaries with family of origin, searching for good therapists, and building back trust with spouse.
It can feel impossible to sort through what to do, who to turn to, and how to chart a reliable path forward. Below are the books and materials I’ve compiled over the years that, altogether, act as an accurate roadmap for the recovery journey ahead.
Introducing you to your inner child
A Christian and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Eddie Capparucci is the author of Remove Your Shame Label, Why Men Struggle to Love and a book I use every day with clients called Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. In it, Eddie walks you through the impact of emotional neglect in childhood and how unmet needs and trauma in your family set the stage for a sexual addiction later in life.
Through Going Deeper you begin to understand your past pain not from the vantage point of your adult self but through the experience of yourself as a boy. You begin to understand how you were hurt and how this younger part of you gets triggered today often without you realizing it.
Some men may cringe at the possibility that childhood trauma has impacted them in such a way. But many of my clients, through reading Eddie’s work, have become more compassionate with themselves. They understand they aren’t sick in the head or sexually perverted but broken. They aren’t bad men trying to become good but hurting boys trying to heal.
Reconnection: trauma, addiction and your nervous system
Dr. Michael Barta, a pioneer in sex addiction treatment, is the author of another helpful book I utilize with clients called Reconnection: Neurobiological Healing from Sexual Addiction.
Reconnection looks at childhood trauma through the lens of your nervous system, a critical part of your neurophysiology. Dr. Barta demonstrates how trauma deforms a person’s ability to be relational because the nervous system interprets connection and closeness as threatening and something to avoid. This diminished relational capacity he calls an intimacy disorder. This makes it difficult for these men (and women) to be authentic, vulnerable and present in their relationships. Thus, fully healing from a sexual addiction means recovering your innate ability for emotionally close relationships.
Both books illuminate the impact of childhood trauma but from different angles. Clients often report resonating with the information and stories, leading to deeper self-knowledge and self-compassion.
The flagship text from the father of sex addiction counseling
Since its first publication in 2001, Facing the Shadow set the standard for sexual addiction treatment, written by the father of sex addiction, Dr. Patrick Carnes. Part book, part workbook, it guides clients through the first seven tasks of Carnes’ 30 Task Model. For men brand new to sexual recovery it can be a great place to start learning about the development, impact and nuances of sex addiction. It helps men, for example, prevent relapse, understand the meaning of specific sexual behaviors, and consider the ways they’ve justified their acting out.
A holistic combination for the right and left brain
Facing the Shadow, Reconnection and Going Deeper, altogether, cut out a reliable path forward into sobriety, healing and meaningful relationships, especially when alongside individual and group therapy. These books help clients establish sobriety while understanding their hidden triggers and weak points. They get at the heart of the issue and invite men into the conversations they didn’t know they needed to have.
This combination is also holistic, engaging both sides of the brain. Facing the Shadow activates the left thinking brain while Going Deeper and Reconnection help right brain activation, through exploring hidden emotions, family of origin, and attachment trauma from childhood.
Sections and chapters from honorable mentions
Although the above books comprise the bulk of what I use with clients, there are sections, chapters and ideas from other books clients find helpful, such as Courageous Love by Stefanie Carnes (Patrick’s daughter), It Didn’t Start With You which is about inherited family trauma, Unwanted, Erotic Intelligence, Mindsight by Dan Siegel, and sections from the work of Dr. Robert Masters.
If you are struggling with a sexual addiction, it is my recommendation to work through these books and similar content with a trained professional, ideally a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Much of the time, these books stir up strong emotions like shame, confusion and grief. Exploring and processing how you relate to this content in a safe and therapeutic way is vital for healing.
The power of podcasts alongside therapy
Podcasts can be powerful tools for learning about sexual sobriety and recovery. Two that I routinely share with clients are Husband Material with Drew Boa and The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young because of the helpful content and interviews with other professionals. Topics covered include male sexual abuse, how to handle partner’s triggers effectively, regulating without porn, and father wounds, among many others.
Questions?
Don’t hesitate to call me.
Going Deeper, Reconnection and Facing the Shadow move clients toward their goals of sexual sobriety and relational healing. If you have any questions or want to schedule a consultation with me, please reach out.